Log in

05 February 2007 @ 01:08 am
Running Late  
Title: Running Late (one shot?)
Author: kujo_hikaru
Rating: R, mention of sex and kink, no lemon
Pairing: Narutox(everyone)
Length: 1710 Words
Warning: Total disregard for canon, alcohol, and mention of copious and often really dirty sex, NO BETA
Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me.
Summary: Sakura is told some disturbing things about Naruto.
Age: All the characters in this story are over 18 years old, so if Warriors for Innocence has a problem with my story, they can eat my hairy, white ass.

I completely blame my evil, horny friends for sitting around and discussing my sexual exploits before I got to the Super Bowl party. What can I say, I'm a slut. And I blame my boyfriend for the idea about the clones. I thought of it long before he mentioned it, but seeing as he isn't a Naruto fan (or a fan of Anime in general) and he thought about using the Shadow Clones in sex a mere 30 seconds after seeing Naruto use one in battle in the anime made me realize there is still hope in the world.

“You’re late,” Sakura said to Sai as he ducked into the restaurant. Most of the people gathered there looked up when he entered.

“Sorry, I was held up by the Dickless Wonder. He’s a pain in the ass when he’s hung over,” Sai replied. Sakura just seemed to boil for a second and proceeded to deliver an earth-shattering punch to Sai’s head. He flew across the restaurant, and back out the door he just entered.

“DON’T SAY SUCH DISGUSTING THINGS IN FRONT OF ME!” she shouted at the now absent nin. She sat back down to the snickers of their companions. Even Hinata had a slight blush and was giggling behind her hand. After a moment, the dark-haired man walked back into the restaurant and chose a seat at the table with his fellow shinobi. When he began to rub his hand tentatively along the side of his head, most of the snickers broke into full out laughter.

“I don’t understand, Sakura-san, it’s just a pet name. The books I read said that males typically choose degrading or insulting nicknames for each other as a mark of affection, or a term of endearment. Besides, he’s certainly far from dickless,” Sai stated with a straight face and a nearly emotionless voice.

“That’s for sure,” Kiba muttered. Sakura looked first at Sai and then at Kiba with eyes nearly the size of saucers.

“Wh-what?” she merely croaked out.

“It’s true. Haven’t you ever seen him bathing on a mission?” Kiba asked with a smirk.

“NO! Of course not! That’s disgusting!” Sakura yelled, her anger once again back in full force. She looked about ready to give Kiba a punch to match Sai’s earlier punishment.

“Well, then you must have noticed how every time Neji and he go on a mission that princess comes back with a limp he refuses to let you heal?” Kiba inquired, his grin turning ever more lecherous. Neji had the decency to blush and look down when Sakura turned her incredulous gaze at the white-eyed teen.

“Jesus, forehead-girl, you can’t be this dense. What about when me and Naruto came back from Rice Country and he was covered in bite marks. You didn’t think that story he fed you about evil rabbits was true, did you? We must have stopped every five miles on the way home to ‘celebrate’ our successful mission,” Ino said condescendingly. (A/N, yes, Ino did air-quotes when she said the word celebrate).

“WHAT!!” Sakura screeched at the blonde kunoichi.

“Yeah! In fact, I was afraid the first time I bit him, but he seemed to like it. So in the end, I went at it as rough as I could. I’m surprised he even made it home with all the marks I left; guess all that chakra and stamina sure helped. But, I’m sure he could’ve gone even longer once we were home if I wasn’t so utterly exhausted,” Ino said, finishing with a thoughtful tapping on her chin. Sakura seemed to teeter on the edge of her chair and her eyes looked like they were ready to burst out of her skull.

“Well, at least he didn’t bite you back, ‘cuz that idiot has some sharp teeth! I had bruises and cuts for almost a week back a few months ago, It was that night when we all got drunk at that new bar and after we left I dragged him home. The next day I nearly got kicked out of my apartment from all the screams he made come out of me. Do you know how embarrassing it was to need my Mom to threaten my landlord so I wouldn’t be evicted? She still won’t let me live it down, not to mention she refused to heal the bites. Said something about ‘not being her place to remove another’s marks from their property’, or something,” Kiba said with a growl.

At this, Sakura’s eyes rolled back into her head and she slipped from the chair. She would have hit the ground with a thud, had Shino not managed to grab her limp form and return her to the chair. Hinata quickly rose and went to Sakura’s side to check on her condition. After a few quick prods with her byakugan activated, the pink haired kunoichi came back awake.

“Wh-what happened?” Sakura asked, glancing around at her friends at the table.

“Wait, I remember. GYAHHHHHH! Hold on a second, are you telling me all of you have slept with Naruto?” Sakura asked, shaking slightly and doggedly glancing at each of the table’s occupants.

“I-I have not, Sakura-san,” Hinata said with a blush.

“Nor, I, my beautiful, youthful love!” Lee said with a lot of force and a large, creepy smile.

“I just (chomp) don’t swing (chomp chomp) that way,” Choji said, not stopping eating to speak.

“B-but, Ten Ten? What about you a-and Shino? You’re together! And Shikamaru, I didn’t think you liked guys! I didn’t think you liked anything, that it was all too troublesome,” Sakura was reeling now, grasping at straws to keep from falling off the ledge into insanity. Obviously, these people have all lost their minds.

“Hey, what can I say? I guess I just needed to wait ‘till I found someone to do all the work for me. Besides, I’m a teenage boy. It would be unhealthy to avoid sex altogether, and hospitals are so troublesome,” Shikamaru droned, staring at the clouds through the restaurant’s window. Sakura seemed to deflate even further, and she looked first to Shino, then to Ten Ten for an answer.

“Well, sometimes it’s fun to have someone else join in!” Ten Ten said with a smile.

“Yes, quite,” Shino added dully.

“But … how? Who…? Where…? Which of you …?” Sakura looked even more confused now.

“Oh, with Shadow Clones, of course,” Ten Ten added with a giggle and a blush.

“Yes, the clones. Those are the greatest,” Sai added. Neji, Kiba, and Ino nodded enthusiastically to the dark-haired nin’s statements. Sakura passed out for the second time today, this time it was Kiba who caught her limp body and placed it back into her chair. Once again, Hinata had to revive the young woman.

“Oh my god. But, why …? HOW COME NO ONE SAID ANYTHING BEFORE NOW!” Sakura bellowed at her companions.

“We just all kind of thought you picked up on the innuendo, forehead-girl,” Ino said with a smirk.

“Che, who would have thought you’d grow up to be the team idiot, Sakura-san?” Sai asked.

“Oi! J-just … shut up, you!” Sakura yelled to Sai.

Sakura slowly lowered her head to rest in her palms with her elbows resting on the table in front of her. They all watched intently as she stroked her temples and seemed to digest the information they just shared with her. After a few moments, and shared looks of concern or amusement, Sakura looked back up. She let her gaze wander over the assorted shinobi seated at the table with her.

“So I’m to understand that Naruto Uzumaki, the blonde you once all called idiot or moron, has become the living sex god of Konoha? And, on top of that, you have all slept with said sex god on multiple occasions? That is, of course, baring myself, Lee, Hinata, and Choji. Does that about sum it up?” Sakura asked, a vein protruding from her prominent forehead, and her left eye twitching uncontrollably.

A few nods, an assortment of yup’s, and a graceful “that is correct” from Neji, and Sakura wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole.

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late. But I have a good excuse!” a bouncy voice said behind Sakura’s back.

Sakura recognized that voice, knew who it belonged to, and was ready to turn around but for one problem: she was afraid that her head would explode upon seeing the blonde after just learning the horrifying information her friends shared with her earlier. Never one for cowardice, she turned in her seat and nearly fainted a third time this day. Standing behind her was none other than Naruto Uzumaki. That didn’t surprise her as much as the deep and commanding gaze of the man standing next to Naruto, his skin-tight clothes and shiny black hair even more breathtaking for their current rumpled state.

Wait a minute, Sasuke Uchiha never went out with rumpled clothing or messy hair. Also, Naruto’s arm was draped around Sasuke’s shoulder. Well, that was no unusual occurrence, but the dark-haired nin didn’t seem to be struggling against the contact like usual. In fact, his arm seemed to disappear behind the blonde. Where was it at though? She cheeked the reflection in the restaurant’s windows and saw it disappearing into Naruto’s back pocket. That was strange, indeed.

So, Sakura began to put the picture together in her head. Naruto looking incredibly pleased with himself and holding the Uchiha intimately PLUS Sasuke looking like he just had a romp in the hay, despite always looking perfect in every conceivable manner PLUS Sasuke affectionately holding onto Naruto, even slipping his hand into the blonde’s pocket. Wait, that adds up to …

“GYAHHHHHH!!” Sakura screamed, blood trailing down her nose just before she collapsed and this time hit the floor.

“What’s wrong with Sakura-chan,” Naruto asked with some concern.

“Nothing. Forehead-girl’s just being melodramatic. So, I’m assuming your ‘good excuse’ is hanging off your arm right now?” Ino said with a smirk. Naruto just blushed slightly and began to rub the back of his head with his free hand.

“Well, after Sai went back to his place to get ready, I was going to do the same to meet you all here on time but I got tied up giving this one the bastard of the year award,” Naruto said, punching Sasuke playfully on the shoulder.

“As I remember it, you weren’t the one tied up, dobe,” Sasuke said with a sexy smirk, rubbing the place where Naruto had punched him.

“Details, man, details!” Kiba shouted at the dark-haired nin. He pushed Sakura’s unconscious body out of the way, and patter her now empty seat for Sasuke to sit. Even Hinata was ignoring the medic-nin in favor of Sasuke’s tale. Secretly, the whole clones thing made her hot.

This was a one-shot without lemon. I kinda want to write that NaruIno lemon, cause blonde sex is hot. I'd also like to know what Neji was doing with Naruto on their missions that made him limp. And my new favorite person is Sai, because Naruto + Sai + Naruto Shadow Clones = A Very Happy Me.

Oh, and I will be posting the update to Punishment this week. Sorry, but work hasn't even left me time for watching TV or or taking down the Christmas tree or makin the mansex, let alone time for writing. On the second weekend of January (when I was supposed to take down the tree), I promised myself that came first for free time (because I'm sure the neighbors were starting to make fun of me). Since I did that yesterday, I am specifically setting aside time Tuesday and Wednesday evening to finish rewriting the second part of Punishment and updating Part 3 to reflect any changes and to maintain the consistency. I'm going to skip beta and publish Part 2, but I will send it and Part 3 to beta and update with changes before I post Part 3. Believe it!


P.S., Adding "Believe It!" to the end of that A/N has got to be the gayest thing I've done all week. Sorry.
deeperifall: ryuuko_chan 22deeperifall on February 5th, 2007 08:15 am (UTC)
that was the greatest thing i have ever read loves this part
“We just all kind of thought you picked up on the innuendo, forehead-girl,” Ino said with a smirk.

“Che, who would have thought you’d grow up to be the team idiot, Sakura-san?” Sai asked.

“Oi! J-just … shut up, you!” Sakura yelled to Sai.

lovely just lovely i hope there's more of this lovely story ^^ plus you just made my day XD when you wote this XD
kujo_hikarukujo_hikaru on February 6th, 2007 05:07 am (UTC)
I've sketched out how I want to write the Ino and the Kiba lemons. I can't come up with a good reason for him to hook up with Neji, though. Everything I seem to come up with leaves Neji sounding too girly, and there's not enough resistance to his attraction to Naruto. We'll see how that works.

deeperifalldeeperifall on February 6th, 2007 05:35 am (UTC)
ah ic well we shall see how things work out then ^^ i also loved how you did the part were sasu and naur walk in to that was great also i loved the last part were hantia* says what she thinks of the clones lol
kujo_hikarukujo_hikaru on February 6th, 2007 05:44 am (UTC)
Have you read Team 8, over at FF.net? It's a really cool story about what might have happened if Kurenai had lobbied for Naruto to join her team, instead of Kiba. No smut, but an interesting look at Hinata and hints of HinaNaru fluff.

But, I still think she'd be a freak. Totally.

deeperifalldeeperifall on February 6th, 2007 05:57 am (UTC)
lol no i have'it read it i'll so check it out thnx!
みっちゃんblu_olivz on February 5th, 2007 09:31 am (UTC)
mmm... shadow clone sex...
みっちゃんblu_olivz on February 5th, 2007 09:32 am (UTC)
and then i realised i didn't actually comment on your fic.
that's what happens when presented with the idea of a roll in the hay with lots and lots of ninja hotness.

xD poor sakura ain't getting any.
this was lovely.
kujo_hikarukujo_hikaru on February 6th, 2007 05:10 am (UTC)
Hehe, don't worry: I'll excuse the lack of comment because I distracted you.

Yeah, well, Sakura isn't exactly my favorite. I don't hate her, I just don't like her. Can't really explain it. But I wasn't too hard on her, considering her friends ignored her completely in favor of Sasuke's story.

ishmotik on February 5th, 2007 11:11 am (UTC)
Pure genius. I don't even know where to start with the praise. This is practically canon--cuz if Naruto was a higher rating, he'd so be doing *everybody*. It's even better that they're all such pervs. It's awesome that they're IC too, it makes it even more possible to happen.

You *should* write a NaruIno lemon, there aren't enough of them. Or even better yet, you should write a SaiNaru lemon. Sai's my favorite too. I want more fics about him.
kujo_hikarukujo_hikaru on February 6th, 2007 05:17 am (UTC)
*blushes* I actually threw the idea of writing in character out the window, I just wanted to freak Sakura out. Any resemblance to real characters is purely subconscious (but a pleasant surprise).

Sai is great, isn't he? I love random, inappropriate comments.

Holding My Boobs Up with Hopemordsithinred on February 5th, 2007 02:32 pm (UTC)
Nice! I always thought that when Naruto got older he'd be exactly like that. ^_^
kujo_hikarukujo_hikaru on February 6th, 2007 05:18 am (UTC)

Joy: sasuke is gunther! XDjoyinthedance on February 5th, 2007 03:08 pm (UTC)
That was really funny. Somehow I could totally see it happening. Poor clueless Sakura.
kujo_hikarukujo_hikaru on February 6th, 2007 05:20 am (UTC)
Thank you. And, yes, poor Sakura ...

_emewd_ on February 5th, 2007 03:40 pm (UTC)
I enjoyed it.
kujo_hikarukujo_hikaru on February 6th, 2007 05:20 am (UTC)
Thank you.

mh_escapee on February 5th, 2007 07:46 pm (UTC)
Oh God. That was hilarious.
kujo_hikarukujo_hikaru on February 6th, 2007 05:21 am (UTC)
Thank you. I needed to do something to get over the Bears loosing. Glad you enjoyed it.

momoiro_usagi on February 5th, 2007 08:25 pm (UTC)
Ha ha ha! That absolutely cracked me up! Naruto would make an amazing sex god, ne? XD I especially loved the ending!!
kujo_hikarukujo_hikaru on February 6th, 2007 05:23 am (UTC)
Yeah, I re-read it today and I think I was half-asleep by the end. My sentences kept getting longer and longer. But, it was fun trying to explain my laughter when I was at work.

Mikramikra on February 6th, 2007 06:58 am (UTC)
*grins madly* This was very good.
kujo_hikarukujo_hikaru on February 8th, 2007 04:57 am (UTC)
Thank you.

aerias_a_writeraerias_a_writer on February 14th, 2007 01:47 am (UTC)
“As I remember it, you weren’t the one tied up, dobe,” Sasuke said with a sexy smirk. . .

Holy Hell! I don't think I have enough toilet paper to clean up the blood that thought inspired. Brillant! Loved it. And I will be checking out anything else you have written.
kujo_hikaru: Ouran Twinskujo_hikaru on February 17th, 2007 04:58 am (UTC)
Yeah, just yeah. Tied up. That about sums it all up, right before my brain explodes. Don't know if I can write that, the blood loss would be troublesome.

Stupid NaruIno is stuck in my head now. I need to see if I can put bleach on a Q-tip and clean out my brain.

The Grand Master: Sasuke knows...ootorotan on October 2nd, 2007 09:37 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad I clicked that link over at sns_ficsearch!! XD
This was awesome! and I don't even like the thought of Naruto with girls xD Making him the sexgod of Konoha..Yes please. xD
Of course, my fave part was the part with Sasuke ;p And Sakura freaking out xD

Also...Sai and Naruto and CLONES... *DED* *q*
kujo_hikarukujo_hikaru on October 5th, 2007 05:08 am (UTC)
See, that's the problem ... I can't write het porn, and the whole rest of the continuation relies on Ino being first. My outlines on the rest of the stories are too well developed for me to throw that away now, so I need to buckle down and write Naruto doing the nasty with Ino before I can contine ...

I think they're going to take away my gay card for saying that ...
The Grand Master: Found You...ootorotan on October 5th, 2007 08:57 am (UTC)
I'm sure that won't be a big problem, it shouldn't be that much harder than gay porn.... ^^;; No, wait... My hets are usually threesomes (M/M/F) which means there IS yaoi in the mix -__-;;
But you'll probably pull it off well ^.^

CLING ONTO IT WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT! O_< Once a fangirl, always a fangirl. <3

kujo_hikarukujo_hikaru on October 5th, 2007 05:09 am (UTC)